'I am a qualified Microsoft engineer ...'

Prepare for an amusing rant!

This morning our house has been subject to a number of unwanted 'phone calls. Some have been silent calls (the 'phone rings but no one answers when you pick it up ... and then the line goes dead), some have been recorded messages ('You have failed to claim regarding your PPI ...'), and the last was from 'a qualified Microsoft engineer'.

The latter got a full broadside from me ... but was either too stupid or too anxious to dupe me that he just did not take the hint!

The conversation went something like this ...

'Hello, whose calling?'

A heavily-accented voice answers.

'My name is James and I am calling on behalf of Microsoft. Your computer has sent them an error message and this problem needs to be resolved.'

'Where did you get my 'phone number?'

'It was given to us by Microsoft.'

'How did they get it? My computer would not have sent that information.'

'Microsoft use GPS to locate your computer and it tells them where you are and your 'phone number.'

'Excuse me, but that is not true.'

'Please sir, are you sitting in front of your computer? If you are patient and do as I ask we can sort this problem.'

'No. I am not at my computer ... and until you answer my question I am going to continue to ask it. Where did you get my 'phone number?'

'Please sit at you computer and follow my instructions so that I can fix the problem.'

'I have no intention of allowing you to have access to my APPLE computer until you answer my questions. Where did you get my 'phone number?'

(The bit about the Apple computer is a lie ... but I just wanted to see if the caller was bright enough to realise that I had worked out his scam.)

'It was given to us by Microsoft. We are fully qualified Microsoft engineers here working for Microsoft.'

'You 'phone call is unsolicited AND as I am signed up with the Telephone Preferencing Service I think that you and your company are in breach of its regulations and may be reported and even fined for making this call!'

'I am a qualified Microsoft engineer ...'

'Who does not know that Apple computers do not use a Microsoft operating system! AT WHAT POINT IN THIS CONVERSATION ARE YOU GOING TO REALISE THAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE THIS CALL!'

Silence for five seconds.

'Sorry to have bothered you.'

I do wish that there was something that I could do about this scam, the whole purpose of which is entice people to hand control of their computers over to third parties, who can then use them for all sorts of nefarious activities. I know I have complained about this scam before, but it seems to be on the increase again in the post-Christmas period.