Cruise complaints and comments

Over the years, Sue and I have heard some 'interesting' complaints and comment from other passengers, and I thought that I'd share some of them with my regular blog readers.

P&O's MV Azura. She can carry a maximum of 3,597 passengers ... and with that number of people aboard, someone is bound to have something to complain about!

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'You'd have thought that P&O would only take us to places where everyone spoke English.'

(Heard on a cruise to the Baltic.)

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'My day has been ruined. I was woken up by a helicopter flying overhead during my afternoon nap.'

(Heard after the ship had been diverted towards the French coast so that a seriously injured passenger could be evacuated by helicopter.)

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'How rude! I was waiting for that lift!'

(Heard after the ship's medical crash team rushed a seriously ill passenger wearing an oxygen mask and in a wheelchair/stretcher into a lift that had just arrived so that they could take him down to the medical centre. The woman who was waiting wanted to go up, and when the lift was taken by the medical team, she stomped off to the Reception Desk to complain.)

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'Do the crew live aboard?'

(Heard during a Q&A session with the ship's captain.)

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'I understand that a passenger died, and the body was taken off earlier today. Could you tell me what grade of cabin they were in as I'd like an upgrade if it's better than mine.'

(Overheard at the ship's Reception Desk.)

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'Is this milk fresh today?'

(Heard in the dining room at breakfast time in the middle of the Atlantic.)

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'I've complained to the Reception Desk about the noise during last night's storm. The sound of the wind and the constant movement kept me awake all night!'

(Overheard on deck on the day after the ship passed through a Force 12 hurricane during the night.)

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'Where are you from?'
'Mumbai, madam.'
'Whereabouts in the Philippines is that?'
'It's in India, madam.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, madam. Quite sure.'
'Well, if you say so.'

(Overheard conversation between a passenger and a restaurant waiter. After the waiter had left, the woman turned to the man sitting next to her and made a sote voce comment about how ill-educated the waiters were. The Indian waiters all have to have been educated to the equivalent of A-level standard in a range of subjects, including English, and served a minimum of two years in a four or five-star hotel. There are no qualifications required to be a passenger ... just enough money to buy a ticket!)

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'In an emergency, which lifeboat will I be in?'
'You'll be taken to it from your assembly point, if you have to be evacuated.'
'That's not good enough, young man! I need to know so that I can make sure that my husband and I don't have to get into a lifeboat with people from lower grade cabins.'

(Overheard conversation between a middle-aged woman and a young deck officer. Someone had obviously been watching A NIGHT TO REMEMBER or TITANIC before going on the cruise!)

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On the first morning of a cruise, the doors from the self-service restaurant opened, and a middle-aged man dressed in a singlet, shorts, and flip flops emerged from inside. The weather was very windy, everyone on deck was wearing coats, and grey clouds scudded across the sky.

'Where's the f'*cking sun?'
'You won't see that much until we reach the Mediterranean.'
'Where the f*ck are we?'
'Rounding Ushant at the western end of the English Channel.'
'You mean we aren't there yet? My travel agent told me I was on a Mediterranean cruise, and I expected to be there by now! I'm off to f*cking complain about this!'

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A conversation overheard in the gangway outside a cabin whose toilet had flooded. The protagonists were one of the cabin's passengers and one of the ship's engineering officers.

'The toilet was blocked because someone had tried to flush wet wipes down the toilet, and this had blocked the pipework. It says quite clearly not to flush foreign objects down the toilet.'
'They weren't foreign objects! I bought them in the local supermarket before I left home!'

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I can vouch for the fact that all the above are true; Sue and I have actually seen and heard people say and do these things.