The following is not about wargaming, but I would hope that my regular blog readers will read this post to the end.
Sue and I have been away for a short break, and whilst we were on our travels, I noticed a certain amount of censure when I used a disabled toilet. I had not experienced it before (possibly because during lockdown there were fewer people about), but on two occasions I felt the need to justify myself.
Let me explain. When I had my colostomy last year, one of the things that I learned was that as far as the NHS and government are concerned, I am now disabled. I was encouraged to apply for a Disabled Blue Badge so that I could park my car in a Disabled Parking space and given a RADAR key so that I could unlock disabled toilets. (RADAR is the acronym for the Royal Association for Disability and Rehabilitation. They are now known as Disability Rights UK who, in partnership with Nicholls & Clarke who invented the RADAR lock, helped to create the National Key Scheme (NKS) so that disabled people no longer have to ask for a disabled toilet to be unlocked when they need to use one.)
My Blue Badge application was was turned down by my local council on the grounds that I was able to walk unassisted, but the RADAR key has proven to be a lifeline. Every time that I use a toilet, I need to check that my colostomy bag is secure and does not need to be replaced. I carry spares in a my man-bag (thank God that carrying one is no longer regarded as odd, as it was a few years ago!) just in case. I can certainly check my bag in a normal WC, but I need more space than most WCs provide to change my bag, hence my preference for using a disabled toilet.
Twice whilst we were away, I was 'challenged' when I came out of a disabled toilet. The first time was a young woman who wanted to change her baby's soiled nappy. (For some reason, many disabled toilets also serve as nappy changing facilities.) As I came out, she made a comment about the facility only being for disabled people and for nappy changing, so I reminded her that 'not all disabilities are visible' and then indulged myself in explaining in detail why I had to use the disabled toilet. She looked rather shamefaced afterwards, and apologised ... and one hopes that she will be a little more understanding next time.
The second time was during our drive home. We stopped at a motorway service area, and I used the disabled toilet to check and replace my bag. Whilst I was in there, the door handle was rattled several time, and a loud voice said something along the lines that there was a person in a wheelchair waiting to use the toilet. When I opened the door, I was confronted by an elderly man in a wheelchair and someone who was obviously his son. The son opened his mouth and said, 'Don't you realise that ...', but never finished his sentence when he saw that I was wearing my RADAR key on a lanyard around my neck. I held the door open for them, and as he wheeled his father in, he mumbled what sounded like an apology.
As the title of this blog post states, not all disabilities are visible, and I hope that by sharing my experiences with you, you will pass this message on.
Yes people are to quick to judge .
ReplyDeleteThe Good Soldier Svjek,
DeleteThey are … and it has made me realise that I have probably been too quick to judge people and situations in the past.
All the best,
Bob
Hi Bob,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story- and I agree "Not all Disabilities are Visible"....I've seen what appears to be people without any visible disability park in the 'Disabled' spot at the shopping maul...I never say anything to them- because my own 'Disability' isn't visible. Anyways Bob- I hope you are well and can get back to continuing your FLW Project. Regards. KEV.
Kev Robertson (Kev),
DeleteWe have a problem in the UK with the massive misuse made of the Blue Badge parking permit system. Many car parks don’t charge cars that display a Blue Badge, but badges get ‘borrowed’, lent, or stolen … and few checks are made on the validity of their use. Ironically, if I had had an ileostomy, I would have automatically been given a Blue Badge, but a colostomy does not have the same automatic right.
I hope to do some painting this afternoon, although the prospect of live cricket on the TV might distract me.
All the best,
Bob
A timely reminder. I’ve certainly judged people in the past for say parking in disabled bays when they don’t look disabled. I’m not disabled myself but I have a tendency to be judgemental.
ReplyDeleteLong term solution would be to increase the space for all cubicles, space permitting.
Nundanket,
DeleteThe problem with people who park in disabled bays and who don’t look disabled is that it makes one wonder if they are misusing the Blue Badge. Since my operation, I’ve tended to be less judgemental but I would welcome a bit more supervision of the system.
Larger WC cubicles would certainly help, as would the provision of more bins for the disposal of the waste.
All the best,
Bob
Bob, a well worded and thoughtful piece. My wife has a handicapped parking permit, and I often worry that people will look at her and wonder why. In her case, she has back and leg issues that make it difficult to walk distances.
ReplyDeleteNickN,
DeleteThank you very much for your kind comment. I do have some mobility problems due to my scoliosis, but I can at least walk fairly easily ... although getting in and out of a car can be difficult at times.
I have great sympathy for anyone who does have back and leg problems, and I hope that your wife doesn't get judged on appearances, and that like me, people realise that not all disabilities are obvious.
All the best,
Bob
An important insight: thanks for posting. When my father lost his mobility and could only walk with the use of a walker (with great difficulty--later to be confined to a wheelchair), I suddenly became aware of (and appreciative of) handicapped parking and accessability in general. Also of the way that people treated him (and anyone assisting him): most of the time with consideration, but not always, despite the fact that the challenges he was dealing with were very evident. The old adage of walking a mile in someone else's shoes comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteEd M,
DeleteBeing affected even indirectly by some form of disability makes one far more aware of the impact it can have on the daily lives of those who have a disability of some sort, visible or otherwise.
All the best,
Bob
Excellent post Bob. I work for a disability charity where people often have their symptoms misunderstood or challenged by the public. My wife also has a long-term condition which again is really misunderstood. We haven't had to use disabled toilets or parking but the lack of awareness and tolerance among the public can be scary. Access to toilets is such a basic need, it's shocking how few properly accessible toilets there are in venues... check out the Changing Places campaign which is a great project.
ReplyDeleteAlastair,
DeleteThanks for your kind words.
Part of the problem is lack of awareness on the part of the general public, but another is the selfish belief that something like that will never happen to them, so why should they bother. It is an attitude that I have observed amongst a lot of youngsters ... until they come face to face with it themselves, and then it hits home.
I am still amazed at how difficult it is to sometimes access ordinary toilets, let alone disabled ones. During lockdown I know of several shopping centres that closed all their toilet facilities because the management felt that they were too difficult to keep COVID safe.
I'll check out the Changing Places campaign later today as it sound quite interesting.
All the best,
Bob
The whole issue of what is a disability is a problematic area, as while some physical impairments are obvious, others are not.
ReplyDeleteI have had echzema since I was a baby and at times it has been so severe it has impacted mobility and use of hands. It is not as far as I'm aware a registered disability. Likewise depression (or other mental health problems) can have an impact that is not necessarily visible.
The current legislation refers to "a mental or physical impairment which effects normal day to day activity" and the potential for it to be long lasting or reoccurring as factors in considering it a disability.
My solution for the issue of toilets is to make ALL toilets to the specification of disabled ones, instead of trying to shoehorn as many in as possible. I understand the problem, but until you start to treat everyone the same the stigma persists.
Neil
Neil Patterson,
DeleteYears ago, whilst I was training to be a teacher, I had to read a book entitled THE NORMAL CHILD AND SOME OF THEIR ABNORMALITIES. I seem to remember that it argued that everyone has individual needs, and that is true of the whole population. Scratch the surface, and it is amazing what physical, mental, or medical problems people have to cope with on a daily basis.
With regards to your eczema, you have my sympathy. I also suffer from eczema, but not to the extent that you describe. Mine affects the back of my hands, my lower legs, and the inside of my ears. Most of the time I am able to live with it as a minor irritation, but when I get stressed - which happens far less nowadays - it can erupt and become very painful. Likewise, depression, which I still suffer from occasionally. Both are debilitating, but I know that with the right treatment, they will get better. Unfortunately, my colostomy looks as if it will be permanent, and it does affect my daily life.
I agree about the need to make all toilets suitable for both able and disabled people. It would certainly remove any potential stigma and would provide better all-round facilities for the whole population.
All the best,
Bob
My dad doesn't qualify for a blue badge and I don't know whether he has a RADAR key or not, despite having had the same operation as you. He still carries his man bag around with an emergency change of clothes etc, that can only be done in a disabled toilet, due to the space issues as mentioned.
ReplyDeleteOur son has autism, but outwardly looks 'normal', but a Blue Badge would be very useful for day trips to new places, to reduce stress for him. However he is not entitled to one, but their is a campaign IIRC to allow people with autism to have a badge. Sadly there is misuse of the system as you say Bob, which really angers me.
Fortunately I've seen signs on motorway service station toilets say that not all disabilities are visible, but those who are visibly disabled can be just as bad at not remembering that not all disabilities are visible as 'able bodied' people.
Maybe one day we'll learn to be more tolerant and understanding of each other.
Steve J.,
DeleteThe man-bag is a very necessary godsend, but it can be a bit of a nuisance to have to carry it around all the time. That said, I've been very lucky and not had any serious 'accidents' when away from home, but having it close to hand has enabled me to feel confident that I could cope should one occur.
By the way, if your father does not have a RADAR key, he can apply for one from DISABILITY RIGHTS UK or even buy one online.
Having taught young people with various levels of autism, I am very aware that it meets the criteria of being 'a mental or physical impairment which effects normal day to day activity'. People with autism have very specific individual needs, and access to a Blue Badge would certainly help many of those who support them.
You are right about the intolerance shown by a few disabled people for others who might have a different disability. Not long after my operation, I was queuing to use the only toilet in a restaurant when a man in a wheelchair tried to push in front of me. I pointed out that I was as entitled as he was to use the facility, and asked him if there was there an urgent need for him to go ahead of me. His reply was that he was in a wheelchair, to which I replied that I had a colostomy bag that needed changing. He was very unpleasant, and said that that was my problem, and that I should be grateful that I could still walk! At that point the door opened ... and a mother and child came out! I went in, and whilst I was in there I could hear him arguing with her that she should not have been using the nappy changing facility as he wanted to use the toilet!
As you comment, perhaps one day we'll learn to be more tolerant and understanding of each other.
All the best,
Bob
As I don't live in the UK, I've just learned a couple surprising things.
ReplyDelete- Disabled stalls are locked and only people with appropriate keys can get in? Did she think you stole the key? In the US they are open to all, though most people will politely avoid using them unless they're the last one available.
- Why are changing stations in a nominally locked stall and not, say, in a more accessible one or even out in the open?
- Are there no generalist "family" restrooms that can be used both/either by people with disabled placards and parents with children? Or is that just an American thing?
Jennifer,
DeleteIn answer to your points:
- Some disabled toilets are locked (usually in locations where there is the possibility of them being misused), but most are not. In many restaurants and shops they are located next to the male and female toilets but separately from them.
- Nappy changing does not usually take place in a public area. Parents are expected to go somewhere private, and it is only relatively recently that such facilities have been provided in many shops, restaurants etc. They are normally found in female or disabled toilets, although some male toilets are now being equipped with the necessary equipment.
- Family restrooms? I have yet to come across one in the UK.
All the best,
Bob
Yes, this is a good reminder for all of us that "not all disabilities are visible". In addition to updating as many public toilets to be disabled accessible so disabled people aren't limited, more education is always good, and some self-reflection and patience. I am slowly learning to be more patient and less judgmental in my old age. :)
ReplyDeleteWe don't always know someone else's circumstances, nor whether we or a loved one might share those circumstances, if not currently maybe at a future time.
Fitz-Badger,
DeleteMaking disabled toilets both more accessible and more integrated would be a very positive step forward, as would better education about the nature of disability.
Like you, I have tried to learn to be more patient and more understanding as I have got older. I’m not always as successful as I would hope to be … but at least I am trying.
All the best,
Bob
Good post Bob and sorry to read about your experience of being challenged, that quite shocked me. I remember once when I was working at Canterbury College a group of students would park in a disabled space each day and a manager asked me to challenge the driver and to 'find out what his disability is' something I was really reluctant to do, and with the awareness that not all disabilities are visible I refused to do it .He did have a valid Blue Badge displayed.
ReplyDeleteMy eldest daughter has Tourettes, perfectly 'normal' to all outward appearances but when she has a tic in the supermarket everyone knows about it as the air can turn blue! As a family we have learned to laugh about it and find most people are understanding when we explain.
‘Lee,
DeleteYou faced a difficult situation at the college. Your boss was right to make sure that the disable parking spot wasn’t being misused, but if the student had a valid Blue Badge, then they had the right to park there.
In all my time in teaching, I never came across anyone with Tourette’s syndrome. It sounds as if you and your family have developed a very successful strategy for dealing with situations when they arise.
All the best,
Bob
Bob, an important post, thank you for sharing it with us. The radar key idea must be so helpful to so many and reassuring too. A loud huzzah to its inventors!
ReplyDeleteTradgardmastare,
DeleteCheers! The RADAR key is a great idea, and it provides a level of security that is reassuring to the carrier. I understand that there is a similar system for the rest of Europe, and that I can apply for a key if I want one.
All the best,
Bob
There are many things we don't see or understand until they apply to us. The world is a better place when we don't prejudge others but also better when we are a bit more tolerant and forgiving. Its better for our own health too.
ReplyDeleteRoss Mac,
DeleteVery true! I think that we are all guilty of occasionally prejudging situations. We sometimes need to step back, take a breath, and then to make a judgement.
All the best,
Bob