Wednesday, 21 September 2011

The Case of The Disappearing Underpants … is solved!

As regular blog readers will know, my father-in-law has got it into his mind that the person he refers to as 'That Thieving B*st*rd Cowson T*rr*' (or TTBCT for short) has been ‘stealing’ things from him. Recently this culminated in the apparent ‘theft’ of my father-in-law’s underpants.

After my wife and I had bought replacements for the ‘stolen’ garments, we had hoped that that would be end of the matter. Unfortunately it was not, and these new underpants were also reported ‘stolen’ … and the chief (and only) suspect was TTBCT. This was despite the fact that TTBCT had not even been in the country at the time of the alleged ‘theft’!

Last night, during a ‘phone call with my wife, my father-in-law announced that the ‘stolen’ underpants had been ‘found’ … in a plastic carrier bag on top of his wardrobe! The fact of the matter was that my father-in-law had ‘hidden’ them there so that they would not be ‘stolen’ … and promptly forgotten that he had done so. Because his eyesight is so poor, he had not noticed the orange-coloured carrier bag on top of his wardrobe when he had searched his bedroom earlier in the week.

Case solved.


As Holmes might has said, ‘When you have eliminated the possible, whatever remains – however improbable it may be – will be inside the orange-coloured carrier bag on top of the wardrobe.’

14 comments:

  1. Bob,

    I have yet to find that exact quote in my Complete Sherlock Holmes . . . something similar, but not quite the same.

    Do you perchance have some hitherto unpublished Holmes stories? If so, I am quite certain that you would have no difficulty in getting them published.


    -- Jeff

    PS, All I ask is a trifling 5% of your royalties, sir, for steering you to this most profitable enterprise . . . and, indeed, I could be persuaded to accept lead soldiers in lieu of coin of the realm.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bluebear Jeff,

    Holmes actually says 'How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?' in Chapter 6 of THE SIGN OF FOUR.

    I love the Holmes stories, and have bought quite a few of the pastiches as well. If I had some unpublished stories, I would publish them ... and let you have 4% (one never gets rich by being too generous!).

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  3. I knew that, Bob. I was just "pulling your chain" as they say.


    -- Jeff

    PS, Ross posted another account of a PS2 game earlier in case you hadn't seen it yet.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bluebear Jeff,

    Just playing along with the jest!

    All the best,

    Bob

    PS. I have read Ross Mac's blog entry and very interesting reading it makes. Likewise Fitz-Badger's The Battle of Hugelstrasse, which I recommend to you if you have not already seen it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bob

    Can you help me find my missing socks - I can only find one half of several pairs?

    Peter

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Bob

    Now listen here, it's about my long john's where the hell are they? Huh, tell me that?

    Haven't seen them for about 20 years now... and I think the packet was green or was that the johns?

    Regards

    ReplyDelete
  7. Peter Douglas,

    I think that I have found my retirement vocation.

    I will become the world's first Lost Clothing Consulting Detective!

    Please send me lots of money ... and I will think of a solution to your problem.

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  8. Arthur,

    They are in a landfill site just outside Jo'burg.

    My first case solved!

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  9. A three pipe problem indeed! And I remain astonished that undergarmentry theft never featured in an episode of 'The Sweeney'....
    "Look out George, he's got some y-fronts!"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tim Gow,

    But underwear did feature in 'The Sweeney'.

    Quote from Detective Inspector Jack Regan (Episode 5, Series 1): 'He's put the wind up Haskins. He's been running with two legs in the one knicker ever since.'

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have to look up more stuff just to understand this blog's comments.......

    ReplyDelete
  12. Captain Oblivious,

    I did write in the original blog entry that 'my life is this surreal at times' ... and some of these comments will appear surreal if you don't understand the background to them!

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  13. lol

    :)

    Tell the Sheriff to send the posse home, though it seems a pity to let good tar and feathers go to waste

    ReplyDelete
  14. Geordie an Exiled FoG,

    Since I wrote the original blog entry - and the underpants reappeared - my father-in-law's penknife and one (Yes, one!) of his hearing aids has gone missing.

    Can you guess who the alleged culprit is?

    I guess that tar and them feathers might get used after all!

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete