Friday, 4 February 2011

A title at last!

Back in December, I wrote a blog entry about the possibility of me writing a mini-series about the (still) forthcoming Ofsted Inspection. Carrying on the OFCON theme from my last two blog entries, I have come up with a title that both reflects that absurdity of what is happening and is – at the same time – a tribute to one of the great filmmakers of the twentieth century, Stanley Kubrick.

The mini-series is to be called DOCTOR STATISTICS OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVED TO MAKE THINGS UP. I have yet to write the script, but I have already begun the casting process. I have decided not to cast Ricky Tomlinson as me as I think that Sir Michael Caine would be more appropriate. He has the necessary gravitas as well as being a fellow Londoner (he was born in Southwark and I was born in Lambeth), so he should manage to get the accent right.


  1. I confess I read your blog entries with delight, but in my own voice; I've forgotten you might/do have an accent :-)

    The mini-series sounds like a great idea to work or the "OFSTED demons".

    Good luck signing Sir Michael!!

  2. Brigadier Dundas,

    Carry on reading them how you like ... just make sure that you carry on reading them!

    I am told by my students that I have a 'posh' accent, which is interesting as I was born in one of the poorer parts of London (not far from where I now teach) and my family were not well-off. I did, however, benefit from being educated at a time when ability and potential - and not just income/where you lived - gave one access to a good school. That, and speech therapy to cure a bad stutter, left we with what I understand to be a fairly neutral accent.

    That said, I can still manage to understand and use Cockney rhyming slang, so I have not quite forgotten my roots!

    All the best,


    PS. I could have called the mini-series ANGELS AND DEMONS, but I think that someone else has already used that.

  3. Bob,
    He may be getting a bit elderly, but I think only Brian Blessed has the acting talent and vocal range [and his own beard!]to do you justice.
    Michael Caine would only give his current version of himself - nothing like you at all, just as he was nothing like Gonville Bromhead.
    Of course, you could do it as a 3D, computer-generated animation...

  4. Arthur1815,

    I think that you may have suggested Brian Blessed before ... and you are probably right about the voice range and beard.

    So if you are reading this Sir Michael, sorry but the role has been given to Brian Blessed instead.

    3D would be wasted on a mini-series about Ofsted because it is such a 2 dimensional organisation. People might see it for what it is and not as they hoped it might be. Leave the film in 2D ... and they won't be disillusioned!

    All the best,


  5. If you go CGI/animated, you can make the OFSTED lot 2d while the rest of the world is 3D....