Thursday, 20 October 2011

A busy – and potentially difficult – few days ahead

It looks as I am going to be quite busy over the next few days. Today I am off to see my father in his care home and then I am going to run a few errands on his behalf before coming back home. Tomorrow my wife and I are off to Herne Bay to see my father-in-law ... and hopefully make progress on buying him a flat in wardened accommodation.

I say hopefully because he telephoned us last night and told us that he had changed his mind about making the move ... despite being categorically in favour of it last week! The problem is that we have already agreed to buy the flat on his behalf and stopping the whole thing is going to be difficult and potentially quite costly. We have agreed the purchase price with the vendor, engaged a solicitor to process the purchase, and borrowed the money to buy the flat. To undo all of that will cost us money because we have had to pay up-front for things like building surveys, land register searches, legal fees, loan arrangement fees etc. We have explained all that to him ... but he does not seem to think it is a problem as it is not his money that has been spent! He is 96-years old, and he is entitled to change his mind if he wants to ... but he does not seem to understand that doing that has a price that other people have to pay.

Life can be very difficult at times ... and it would appear that the next few days are going to be one of those times. I might manage to do some wargames-related activity over the next few days, but somehow I think that I might not be in the mood to do very much.


  1. Hi Bob:

    A difficult task ahead of you, to be sure. "Honour thy father and mother" can sometimes be heavy lifting. My thoughts and prayers are with you, mate.


  2. Mad Padre (Mike),

    Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. It is at times like this that I need them!

    Every time I start to get angry I think 'that could be you in a few years time' ... and it helps me to calm down and cope.

    Both my father and my father-in-law were soldiers during the Second World War, and both saw active service. My father was with 6th Airborne Division and my father-in-law fought in Burma and India. Both saw things and did things that have affected them for the rest of their lives ... and that my limited experience of life does not help me to understand other than superficially. I also try to remember this when I start to get annoyed with something they may have said or done.

    All the best,


  3. Bob, I feel lucky not to have had to go through that. My wife has had power of attorney and my mother-in-law has always cheerfully gone along with whatever was proposed.

    I suspect your father-in-law might change his mind again in a few days time. Very difficult. I hope it all gets smoothed out.

  4. Ross Mac,

    I spoke to my father-in-law last night and guess what ... he has changed his mind again!

    We are taking him to see the flat again today to make sure ... and then we MIGHT just manage to see the solicitor to sort out the legal side of the purchase afterwards.

    It appears that someone (the person my father-in-law always blames for 'stealing' stuff from his home) has been telling my father-in-law that we are doing this to get hold of his money.

    Oh well ... if he wants to believe that he can, but it does not change the fact that he needs to be living somewhere where he can still be independent and have support close at hand.

    All the best,