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Saturday 16 October 2021

I have been to … Tiverton … for a funeral

As regular blog readers will know, over that past year my wife and have been stay in Tiverton several times. We rent an ‘apartment’ (it is actually a small house called ‘Castle Lodge’ which is situated at the entrance to Tiverton Castle) and spend a few days visiting friends who live in the West Country and exploring the local area. We had intended to pay Tiverton another visit before Christmas, but events brought our plans forward.

My sister, who was twelve years younger than me, had lived in Wiveliscombe (near Taunton, Somerset) with her family for many years. She had suffered from Crohn’s disease since the early 1980s, and at that time the treatment for severe cases involved the removal of parts of the colon. This is what happened in her case, and since then she had never enjoyed good health. She had numerous problems with blockages and lesions, and every few months she would have to spend time in hospital when the effects of her surgery and the disease flared up. Over recent years, these flare ups seemed to be more frequent and more intense and required longer and longer stays in hospital. When she was not in hospital, her ability to have anything approaching a normal life was almost impossible, and she had to rely on her family and carers to do most things for her. Although she could just about walk a short distance in order to get around inside her home, she required a wheelchair to get about outside.

A few months ago she began to experience bleeding from her stoma as well as a major flare up, and this resulted in a much longer stay in hospital than on previous occasions. As the COVID-19 pandemic was still having a major effect on the National Health Service, once she was stabilised, she was transferred from the local hospital in Taunton to one in Bridgwater. This made it difficult for her family to visit her and did no not aid her recovery. She eventually returned home but was even more dependent upon others for even the most mundane of daily tasks. Plans were being put into place to move her from her existing home into a specially-designed one where she would be able to cope better when she seemed to develop peritonitis.

My sister was rushed into hospital, and during the early hours of the morning they operated on her … only to discover that the problem was not peritonitis, but a number of ulcers and abysses that needed to be removed, along with most of what remained of her colon. She was left in a seriously weakened state, and when the newly-joined sections of her colon started to bleed, she and her family refused the option of further surgery. The hospital made her as comfortable as possible, and she died on 26th September ... on what would have been our mother's 94th birthday.

My sister’s funeral was held on Wednesday 15th October in Taunton, and Sue and I decided that rather than drive down from London on the previous day, stay overnight in a hotel, and then drive back home after the funeral, we would see if we could stay in ‘Castle Lodge’ for a few days so that we did not have to rush our visit to the West Country. 'Castle Lodge' was available, and on Monday 13th we drove from South East London to Tiverton using the M25, M4, and M5.

Tbe journey took five hours, including a thirty-minute comfort and lunch break at a service area between Swindon and Bristol ... and was much less fraught than our previous journeys using the M25, M3, and A303!

On the Tuesday of our visit, Sue and I spent part of the day relaxing from our previous day's journey, part of it at the Clark's Retail Village in Street, Somerset, and part talking to my niece, who has been doing the bulk of all the work to arrange her mother's funeral.

My sister's funeral took place at 2.00pm at Taunton Deane Crematorium in Taunton, followed by a Wake at the Bear Inn, Wiveliscombe, to which the family and my sister's friends were invited. Besides my brother and his family, I was able to meet several other members of my extended family, some of whom I had not seen for a very long time.

On Thursday Sue and I decided to return to Taunton to have a look around. The journey took just under forty minutes, and we spent a pleasant couple of hours exploring the centre of Somerset's county town. During the early evening we were visited by the elder of my sister's two sons, and we spent a pleasant couple of hours chatting with him about the funeral, sorting out my sister's estate, and his plans for the future.

On Friday morning we left Tiverton for home at approximately 10.45am and used the M5 and M4 to reach the M25 junction to the west of London. Due to several major holdups on the M25, we did not travel around it towards the Dartford Crossing. Instead, we continued towards the centre of London on the M4 and then followed a route that took us through Earls Court and along part of the Chelsea Embankment. We crossed the River Thames at Battersea, and made our way towards the South Circular Road, which we joined at Clapham Common. After that our journey was punctuated by a series of minor holdups at major junctions, but we were still home by a little after 3.45pm.

42 comments:

  1. Sad news. My deepest sympathies to you and your family
    Ian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ian Dury (Ian),

      Many thanks. Your condolences are greatly appreciated.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Neil Patterson (Neil),

      Thank you for your kind condolences.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  3. That is a sad story. I feel for you, your sister and all the family very much. Kind Regards.

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    Replies
    1. Tony Adams,

      The story is sad, but the funeral was very upbeat, which is what my sister wanted. Some time ago she had chosen the music she wanted … and the choice was unusual and very much reflected her attitude to life. As someone said afterwards, it was a funeral she would have loved to attend.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
    2. That is a nice thought and I hope it gives comfort in your loss. Regards.

      Delete
    3. Tony Adams,

      There were few a few damp eyes at times, and laughter at others. I don’t think that anyone left feeling that we hadn’t given my sister the sort of send off you deserved.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  4. Hello BOB,
    So sad- my thoughts are with you regarding your Sister and Family- it is hard to loose Family- though they are with us as long as we remember them. I lost my Brother (Lloyd) back in 2005 - we use to chat over the phone every Friday night...he was a Modeler-like me...the last time I visited Lloyd- he said: "I wish I could be better company for you Mate"...he passed way one week later. I just about miss my Brother every single day. Stay well there in London Bob. Regards. KEV.

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    Replies
    1. Kev Robertson (Kev),

      At my age I got to a lot of funerals, but this was one that I hope that I’d never go to. We didn’t always enjoy a happy relationship, but over the past few years we overcame our differences, and parted on excellent terms.

      I miss her, but I still have my nephews and nieces to remind me of her all the time.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  5. Sorry for your loss Bob. It's never easy when you lose a close member of your family - a lot of people are thinking of you and yours.

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    Replies
    1. Rob Young,

      Thank you very much for you kind words. Although we did not always get along, we parted on good terms and she will always remain my little sister.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Mark Cordone,

      Many thanks for your condolences. They are much appreciated.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  7. My condolences to you and your family Bob.

    Regards,

    Pete.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bob,
    So sorry to read of your loss.

    Mike

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    Replies
    1. Mike C (Mike),

      Thank you very much for your condolences. She had been ill for a very long time, but her death was still unexpected.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  9. Commiserations Bob. Losing a sister is never easy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nundanket,

      Many thanks for your kind words. Luckily, her children are still here to remind me about her every time we are in contact.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  10. My condolences on your sister's passing.

    Sounds like you all had a good send-off for her. Some tears and some laughter sounds good.

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    Replies
    1. Fitz-Badger,

      Thank you very much for your condolences.

      In as much as any funeral can be described as enjoyable, this was. It was what my sister would have wanted.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  11. I'm very sorry. May her memory be a blessing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer,

      Thank you for your very kind words, which are greatly appreciated.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. Tradgardmastare,

      Cheer! I will pass on your kind words of condolence to the other members of my family.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  13. My deepest sympathies Bob.

    Take Care,

    Tony.

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    Replies
    1. Unknown (Tony),

      Many thanks. I’ve been somewhat overwhelmed by the support I have been given. It is greatly appreciated.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  14. Sorry to hear this Bob and condolences to all concerned. Our son has Crohn's too but, touch wood, only very mildly at present. Keeping our fingers and toes crossed that it remains this way.

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    Replies
    1. Steve J.,

      Thanks for your condolences, which I will pass on.

      The treatment for Crohn’s disease has improved considerable since my sister was diagnose, and one of my nephews - who also has it - seems to control it by a combination of the eating the right diet and avoiding too much stress. Hopefully your son will find a course of treatment that works for him.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  15. Sorry to hear about your loss Bob
    My thoughts are with you and your family
    Best Wishes
    Mark

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geordie an Exile FoG,

      Many thanks for your kind words.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  16. Bob-
    A loss in the family, even when foreshadowed by a long illness and diminishing quality of life, is always hard to bear. May I offer you all my sympathy to you and your family.
    Regards
    Ion

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    Replies
    1. Archduke Piccolo (Ion),

      Many thanks for you message of sympathy. I will pass it on to the rest of my family.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  17. Sorry for your loss. I like your positive outlook on it and it looks to be honoring your sister's wishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dan Foley,

      Thanks for you kind words. We have always tried to take a positive approach to life, although it’s not always been easy to do so.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  18. Replies
    1. PatrickW,

      Many thanks for your condolences. I will pass them on to my family.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  19. I'm saddened by your loss Bob. I have become estranged from my sister over the past 18 months. We see things differently these days, as do many people. We were much closer as children, I'd love to have that back. I hope your relationship with your sister remained positive over the years. Take care.

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    Replies
    1. Mr. Pavone,

      I hope that you and your sister do manage to reconcile your differences. As we discovered, it is important for families that siblings can at least rub along together, particularly when things get tough for one of them.

      Luckily for us, the situation between my sister and my brother and I was overcome over the last couple of years, and we parted on good terms ... probably better than they had been for quite a few years.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete

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