Yesterday, the pressure of coping with my prostate cancer - along with a couple of domestic crises - finally took its toll. Almost without any warning, I found myself having to deal with a visit from my Black Dog.
I don’t know what triggered it, but I was sitting in my armchair when everything around me seemed to go dark, and I suddenly lost any motivation to do anything. A feeling of profound sadness engulfed me, and my head felt as if someone had put a metal band around it just above my eyes … and was tightening it.
Luckily, over the years, I have developed strategies to deal with this situation when it arises. Whilst the irrational part of my brain is urging me to either cry or go into fight or flight mode, the rational part of my brain keeps reminding me to stay calm, breath regularly, and avoid doing anything that requires concentration. I know that by following these simple rules, it will pass … and after a couple of hours, it did.
This afternoon I have an appointment at the local hospital for a pre-operation assessment. Assuming everything is all right, I will be undergoing a surgical procedure next week that should mean that my prostate will begin to function normally, and I will no longer need to wear a catheter and bag.
Once that has happened, my case will be passed from the Urology Department to the Oncology Department, who will then deal with the cancer. This might require further surgery, radiology, or even chemotherapy … but the decision as to which of these courses of treatment is chosen will depend upon the results of tests on samples taken during next week’s procedure.
I am feeling far more positive today than I did yesterday. The visit by my Black Dog is over … and I hope that it will not return again soon.
.jpg)
Oh man that's rough. Stay positive because this helps with having a good treatment outcome.
ReplyDeleteAshley,
DeleteThanks for your useful advice.
To be truthful, I’m surprised that I haven’t had a visit before now, but knowing what to do to cope really does help.
All the best,
Bob
Hi Bob...So sorry to hear of your problem...however your strategy for dealing with this unwelcome visit sounds good and effective. Maintaining a positive outlook can be very difficult but of course there really is no other way forward, we need a positive mind to help the body through a crisis. One step at a time my friend. Regards.
ReplyDeleteTony Adams,
DeleteThanks for your kind words.
I feel much better today, and I hope that today’s hospital visit will help me to be positive with regard to current medical problem.
All the best,
Bob
Hello Bob: Sounds like your coping techniques and with some guys behind them, to borrow a phrase from Colour Sgt. Bourn, worked. You are firmly in the prayers of this wargaming vicar for your surgery to be timely and successful.
ReplyDeleteMad Padre,
DeleteThanks for your kind words and prayers. They are greatly appreciated.
I feel far more positive today, although I do feel rather tired. I’m sure that a short nap later today will help me to recharge my batteries.
All the best,
Bob
All the best Bob. Paul
ReplyDeletePDL (Paul),
DeleteCheers, old chap! Thanks for your best wishes. They are much appreciated.
All the best,
Bob
It had probably caught a whiff of the last few years and the upcoming struggle and was sniffing around for a snack. I'm glad you knew how to see him off.
ReplyDeleteRoss Mac,
DeleteMy Black Dog usually pays me a visit a couple of times each year … usually when I’m recovering from a period of stress. Recently, I’ve had to deal with both my medical condition as well as several domestic crises. Not only was Sue’s handbag stolen (including it contents e.g. credit cards, front door and car keys, driving licence) but one of our central heating radiators began to leak and needed to be replaced. It was just as these domestic problems were sorted out and I began to relax that I had my visit.
All the best,
Bob
Best wishes Bob, hope you get some better days soon.
ReplyDeleteMaudlin Jack Tar,
DeleteCheers! Thanks for your kind words of support. I’m feeling much better and far more positive today.
All the best,
Bob
Sorry to hear about that, Bob. I hope all goes well with your surgery and your treatment. Best wishes, Arthur
DeleteArthur1815 (Arthur),
DeleteThanks for your best wishes. I really do appreciate them.
I’m feeling far more positive after my pre-operation assessment. It looks as if I will only need to stay in hospital for a couple of days after I have the procedure.
All the best,
Bob
BOB,
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Sue and I'd like to say all the very best for the up and coming stint in hospital- hope all goes well with your future results. Best Wishes. KEV.
Kev Robertson (Kev),
DeleteThank you very much for your kind words of support. With luck, in a week’s time I should be recovering from my operation and be feeling much better.
All the best,
Bob
Take care of yourself, Bob.
ReplyDeletePrufrock,
DeleteCheers! Thanks very much for you kind comment.
All the best,
Bob
Sorry to hear this Bob. The whole prostate lark is something with which I am sadly familiar. Just keep your head above water and don't let it spread to your mind, if you know what I mean. We're rooting for you. Best regards. Phil
ReplyDeletePhil,
DeleteThank you very much for you kind words of help and support.
I am amazed at the number of people I know who have had prostate problems, and the level of help, support, and best wishes has been phenomenal.
All the best,
Bob
My hopes and prayers are with you for a complete and speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteMark Cordone,
DeleteCheers! Thank you very much for your best wishes and prayers, they are much appreciated.
All the best,
Bob
Sorry to hear about your recent travials Bob, but glad to hear your feeling a bit better today. I hope the pre-op assessment went well and fingers crossed you get in and out of hospital nice and quickly.
ReplyDeleteA positive mental attitude really does help as I know it worked for me when I was diagnosed and before and after the operation. Touch wood still cancer free some 3 1/2 years since the op.
Just a note, that if you are recommended radiotherapy, it does mean that if surgery is required later on to remove the prostate, then it is more difficult due to the scarring caused by the beam. Worth checking this when you speak to a consultant. Surgery was the only option in my case so i didn't have to consider these things.
All the best old chap!
Steve J.,
DeleteThe pre-op assessment lasted two hours and was very thorough. It include a session where the procedure was explained to me in detail. I have to go back tomorrow for a second round of blood tests and to return a sleep monitor that I have been asked to wear tonight.
I try to be positive, but like yesterday, things can sometimes get on top of me. Luckily, my wife is a great tower of strength and helps me to get back normal as soon as possible.
Thanks for the information about the effects of radiotherapy. Judging by the level of information I’ve had so far, I feel sure that the oncologist will explain the options open to me once this operation is over.
I hope that we will both be cancer-free in the near future.
All the best,
Bob
I'm sorry to hear that you had an unwelcome guest. But I'm glad you have the wisdom and fortitude to dispel it. Best wishes for the road ahead. I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteDonjondo,
DeleteThanks very much for your best wishes. I really value everyone’s support.
I’ve been visited by the Black Dog since I had a breakdown the mid 1980s, and over the years I have learned how to cope.
All the best,
Bob
It is absolutely understandable Bob. Sometimes one can cope with it by working through the reasons why you feel like that and other times its better to talk with people who perhaps have come through similar traumas.Everyone has different coping mechanisms, mine is music that has meant something to me, or even some figures I painted years ago. It may sound trivial but it has helped. Best of luck and look forward to your next book.
ReplyDeleteIndependentwargamesgroup,
DeleteI find writing and talking help me to deal with how I am feeling when the Black Dog visits, hence this blog post.
I have tried reading, but find that listening to audiobooks works better for me … and painting is an absolute no-no! Every time I’ve tried painting figures whilst feeling depressed, they’ve always gone disastrously wrong.
As you write in your comment, we all develop our own coping techniques … and I think that sharing them is an excellent idea. Other sufferers might see something that they can try to see if it works for them.
All the best,
Bob
Hello Bob, just wanted to leave a message of support at this difficult time for you. Good to read that you have coping mechanisms in place to help see off the old Black Dog and I wish you all the best with treatment and recovery.
ReplyDeleteLee,
DeleteThanks very much for your very supportive comment. I really appreciate the fact that you - and everyone else who has written a comment - have taken the time to write something in reply to my blog post.
I’m getting there … and the online support I’ve had has really helped.
All the best,
Bob
Best wishes from me, Bob. Tough times, but hoping they get easier over the next weeks.
ReplyDeleteMartin S.,
DeleteThanks very much for your best wishes. They are greaty appreciated.
All the best,
Bob
Hi Bob
ReplyDeleteIt must have been really frightening before you found ways to deal with it. And even now must be very hard to keep positive.
It is really good to see the amound of support you receive from your blog followers. Clearly it is important to you, and helps you handle the stress.
Hopefully you will have good news for us soon
best regards
Paul
Paul Leniston (Paul),
DeleteThe first time I suffered from depression, I had no idea what was happening to me. I had a continuous headache that was excruciating, I had frequent panic attacks that made me very angry, potentially violent, and bad tempered, and I had frequent flashbacks. I eventually had a complete breakdown, and was off work for nearly six months. I spent six weeks attending a psychiatric day clinic, followed by a year of weekly counselling. This helped … but it wasn’t until I developed my own coping strategies that things began to get to a stage where I could deal with visits from my Black Dog.
The online wargaming community has really helped me to cope, and the messages of support really are appreciatedfar more than I can express in simple words.
By this time next week, I hope that I would have had the procedure that will relieve my prostate problem. Once that is over, the oncologist can begin dealing with my cancer.
Thanks very much for your support.
All the best,
Bob
Hi Bob, I'm sorry to hear about your experience, glad you have been feeling better today. But in a way, also not 'sorry to hear', because I can see it was useful for you to talk about it. And I dont think I've ever read an account of what it's like, so thank you for sharing and helping others to understand. I can understand why you suffered that attack, you have clearly been under a load of stress! Glad to hear today has been more positive and that things are progressing, that should help a lot, I hope!
ReplyDeleteDavid in Suffolk,
DeleteThank you very much for your thoughtful comment.
One of the biggest problems I had to deal with when I had my breakdown in the 1980s was the lack of understanding. No one talked about mental illness. It was almost as if people were afraid that mentioning it made it more likely they might suffer from it. In fact, understanding was so limited that one of the most common complaints I heard from fellow sufferers was ‘Only people who have had this illness understand our pain and how helpless we feel. Telling us to pull ourselves together is so annoying. Do they think we enjoy feeling like this?’’
Luckily, things have now improved, and people are far more open about mental illness. I talk and write about how I deal with my episodes of depression in the hope that it will help another sufferer. It certainly helps me.
All the best,
Bob
Best wishes with the cancer!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have good strategies for dealing with the Ebon Canine.
Fitz-Badger,
DeleteThanks for your kind comment.
Once my prostate in functioning normally again, the oncologist will look at how best to deal with my cancer. It may well be treated by radiotherapy, surgery, chemotherapy, or a combination thereof. At least I’m on the cancer treatment pathway, which makes a positive outcome far more likely.
All the best,
Bob
Hope you are feeling better , it's good to talk about these things , Cheers Tony
ReplyDeleteThe Good Soldier Svjek (Tony),
DeleteThanks very much for your comment. I’m feeling far better today, and a lot of that is down to the support I’ve had from the online wargaming community.
All the best,
Bob
Best wishes and hope for a speedy recovery. I understand as I am going through recovery from a bad accident at work and it's taking time. Sorry to gear about this especially since your blog has brought so much joy in my small world.
ReplyDeleteMark Nichipor,
DeleteThank you for your best wishes, and I hope that you make a full recovery from the injuries you suffered as a result of your accident.
All the best,
Bob
Bob!
ReplyDeleteI got a new phone and for the longest time I couldn't figure out how to log in and comment. Switching the cookie settings has fixed it and I'm glad I can lend a supporting comment.
I have had some success with this trick in the past and learned that there's some basis in medical science for it.
Should your black dog ever visit and really get its teeth in you, a short nap of about 15-20 minutes can help. Apparently the trick is to wake up before you start dreaming and that somehow kicks your brain back into gear. It's got to do with brain chemistry. Try searching for it online for better details.
But otherwise, just remember that it's all chemicals in your brain. You have accomplished so much that it's ridiculous to let things get you down. Yes, you have had plenty of health problems and that is real, but your feelings are only as powerful as you let them be. A lesser man wouldn't be able to carry on as you have. You have plenty of friends here on your blog who are here for you! Lean on us and we'll help you through this difficult time.
All the best!
Mr. Pavone,
DeleteI’m glad that you were able to work out how to use your new phone and to make your very interesting and supportive comment.
I must admit that I’d never heard of the short nap method of combatting the Black Dog when he visits. I’ll give it a try the next time I have a visit.
I’m told that chocolate can help restore one’s feelings because it produces a chemical reaction in the brain that is similar to the euphoria you get from falling in love. I certainly know that I have to avoid alcohol and raw garlic, both of which affect my brain chemistry in a negative way.
I’m better today than I was a couple of days ago … and my trip to the seaside yesterday helped to make me feel even better. Sun, sea, and good food all contributed to a very distinct improvement in the way I was feeling.
All the best,
Bob
Bob,
ReplyDeleteGlad that your cancer treatment appears to have a more positive outlook, I am hoping that your continuing prognosis shows steady improvement.
Sorry about the Black Dog days, it seems that the most creative people suffer tremendously from depression. One wonders at the extent of any correlation.
Sending you a virtual pint of your favorite beverage.
Justin
Justin Penwith,
DeleteI am very lucky to be being dealt with by the medical team at my local hospital trust. They have an excellent reputation and try to deal with cases as quickly as they can.
The Black Dog is something that I have learned to live with. Luckily, the visits are infrequent, and generally only last a couple of days at most.
I was told by the senior doctor who deal with my depression that he had observed a high correlation between those people who suffered from depression and who were in employment that required creativity and imagination.
All the best,
Bob
Bob, Just seen your 'Black Dog' blog and wanted to simply say well done in seeing him off and all the very best otherwise. Some wonderful comments above - which, of course, you realize are just the tip of the iceberg of joy you bring in your gaming and blogging. The very last being one of the best; sooner or later at some southeast show, it'll be my privilege to make that virtual pint real - to celebrate your return to fighting fitness.
ReplyDeleteBuzhna,
DeleteCheers! Thank you for your kind words of support. I am amazed - and humbled - at what people have written in reply to my blog post.
I look forward to meeting and having a chat with you at some point in the future.
All the best,
Bob