The online dictionary defines ennui as:
'A feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.'
This is an apt description of how I have been feeling recently. I want to do wargaming-related things but feel little or no motivation to turn that desire into meaningful activity. When I ask myself why, I cannot come up with any reason other than I feel mentally exhausted and physically tired almost all the time.
Various online sources (including the NHS, Cancer Research UK, and Macmillan Cancer Care) all identify loss of concentration and fatigue as two of the common side effects of radiotherapy and state that they often begin to make themselves felt two or three weeks after treatment has started. This would seem to be why I am currently experiencing ennui. The good thing is that they also state that this feeling should diminish once treatment is over, and that sufferers should return to normal within a fortnight to a month.
So, it looks as though for the next two months or so I will have to do what I can on the wargaming front as and when I feel up to it. Luckily, at present my ennui has not stopped me doing a bit of painting, slowly making all sorts of plans, or coming up with ideas for my existing projects ... and I hope to be able to regularly share what I have managed to do with my blog readers.
It’s interesting to note that Big Lee has recently been experiencing health problems that curtailed his wargaming activity for a period, and his recent YouTube video discusses how wargaming has helped him to cope.
Bob, I am very relieved to hear it is 'only' ennui and fatigue that has been the reason for no blog entries lately, rather than something more serious, and hope that you will soon feel back to your normal self as suggested.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, one of the beauties of wargaming is that one can increase or reduce one's activities and even drop them altogether for a while, if necessary or if one just fancies a change.
For some reason - known only to CP HQ (who often exhibit the worst aspects of 'chateau generalship' - moggies led by morons, one might say) - have ordered the Swansea shop to close, for how long we PBV(olunteers) know not, so I have time on my hands which I hope to spend productively on finishing some articles and book reviews for MW, and perhaps painting some Red and Blue armies for Little Wars (both original and Portable versions) that have sat in their packaging for far too long.
Best wishes to you and Sue, Arthur
Arthur1815 (Arthur),
DeleteMany thanks for your very kind words. At present, I can just about manage up to an hour or so a day on a good day … and that is helping to keep my morale up.
That is terrible news about CP closing the branch that you volunteer at. They recently shut the branch in Eltham (our nearest) but to date they have left the Blackheath branch open. At least it sounds as if your extra free time will be put to good use.
All the best,
Bob
Hi BOB,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear your not feeling the best- hope that it all passes and you can get back to normal. I almost lost my interest in my project with waiting over 36 days for ordered figures to arrive from England- nothing has arrived and I have requested a full refund from the seller - which makes me feel better as I try to do something about the situation. I've begun a 5.5inch Doctor WHO Figure Collection today- this'll be a lot of fun. Anyhow, hope you can do some modelling- painting etc on your Wargames Project and enjoy time well spent....Best Wishes. KEV.
Kev Robertson (Kev),
DeleteThanks for your best wishes.
Having to wait for something you have ordered to arrive can be very frustrating, and I can see why you might lose interest in a project. Mind you, you seem to have found a suitable replacement project, which I will follow with interest.
All the best,
Bob
Bob,
ReplyDeleteAn inability to focus and concentrate can happen even when you are not going through as much as you are currently.
We are also in that time of year of dark mornings and grey days which can have such an impact on your mood.
I think the natural tendency is to saddle ourselves with guilt that we are not doing much from the pile of stuff that needs doing.
I think just carry on doing a little painting, planning and generating ideas until more energy and enthusiasm returns is the way to go.
I have a job that can be stressful and / or frantically busy; there are some weekends were I simply feel exhausted or mentally drained so trying to apply myself is impossible. Getting frustrated that you can't make use of your free time, due to how you feel just makes it worse!
I'm learning not to give myself a hard time; sometimes I can make myself start, other times I can't. I've found recently, just having a look at what I have completed, like an inspection parade, is enough of a tonic to banish the apathy, if even to prompt some more planning!
Neil
Neil Patterson (Neil),
DeleteThanks for your supportive comment.
I recognise what you describe very well indeed … and I like your suggestion of a sort of review to remind myself what I’ve managed to do whilst I am feeling like this. I try to do an hour or so a day (usually during the morning) … but I’m not always successful as I find the treatment very tiring.
All the best,
Bob
My wife had periods of being very low after her radiotherapy ended. It is slowly improving although a bit up and down. Hopefully things will improve for you with time.
ReplyDeleteMartin Rapier,
DeleteThanks for the information. It pretty well backs up what I’ve read in the documentation I’ve had from the Cancer Centre. With a bit of luck I hope to be back to my normal self by Christmas.
All the best,
Bob
Understandable. The important thing is to get better, best of luck the rest of the way!
ReplyDeleteMark Cordone,
DeleteCheers! Reading about the PW armies you have been painting has helped me no end.
All the best,
Bob
I shall be starting a new campaign this weekend.
DeleteMark Cordone,
DeleteI look forward to reading all about it.
All the best,
Bob
Just seen John Ruddle has passed away:
ReplyDeletehttps://toysoldiercollecting.blogspot.com/2023/10/john-ruddle-1932-2023.html
Neil
Neil Patterson (Neil),
DeleteThat is sad news. I hope to get hold of a copy of the magazine that contains the article about him.
All the best,
Bob
It's ok to take a break, Bob. Don't be so hard on yourself when you do. The side effects are just your body telling you to go easy for a bit. The good news is you still care about pursuing your lifelong hobby & work. You can tell when it's serious when you completely give up on the things you love. We are here for you.
ReplyDeleteMr. Pavone,
DeleteCheers! What you say about not being hard on my self is very true: I have always tended to be my own worst critic and taskmaster.
What I have learned over recent weeks is that it is better to do a little when you can and not to worry if you don’t feel up to doing very much at all. Even if I only manage five minutes a day, I feel that I’ve made a bit of progress.
All he best,
Bob
I sometimes get frustrated when I am enthusiastic but too busy with non-wargaming duties, BUT even more disappointed/discouraged when I have ample time and no enthusiasm for actually doing ANY hobby activities, whether its physical, mental or emotional issues, recognized or not recognized. Thankfully it's always come back eventually, (so far.......)
ReplyDeleteRoss Mac,
DeleteI think that what you describe is a situation that we all have to confront sometimes … and in my case, it’s people like you who help me to work my way through it and out the other side. I avidly read each of your blog posts, and even if I don’t always comment on them, they help to keep my spirits up.
All the best,
Bob
This is not surprising really. Your body and mind have taken a pounding. When the treatment is over, with time, I'm sure your powers will recover.
ReplyDeleteChris
Nundanket,
DeleteYou’re right: there are times when I feel as if I’ve had a right good kicking! Hopefully I’ll be fully recovered by Christmas.
All the best,
Bob
Dear Bob, sorry to hear that you are suffering the fatigue, we hope for a full recovery of body and mind. Your enthusiasm will recover when you are ready. Best wishes - Quinn
ReplyDeleteGlory to Ruritania (Quinn),
DeleteCheers! Hopefully, I’d be back to normal - or what passes for normal - by Christmas.
All the best,
Bob
It will pass Bob I'm sure, once the daily trips to hospital have finished, which will give you time to recover and recharge the batteries. Thankfully we can enjoy our hobby in many forms as Lee touches upon in his video.
ReplyDeleteSteve J.,
DeleteI’m sure that you’re right. I now only have ten more treatment sessions to do, and after tomorrow I will be three-quarters of the way through. Once my treatment is over, I’m going to take things easy for a while whilst I regain my strength, and I hope to be fully recovered by Christmas.
All the best,
Bob