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Thursday 8 August 2019

'Sometimes things get right up your nose ...'

For quite some time, Sue and I have been suffering from breathing problems at night that we think is associated with rising levels of pollution where we live. Both of us seem to have blocked sinuses at nighttime, and we wake up frequently during the night feeling totally bunged up.

During our recent cruise we both noticed a very distinct improvement in our nighttime breathing, but within a day of returning home, the problem had returned. After some discussion we bought a combined air purifier and ioniser for our bedroom ... and noticed that although the problem hadn't gone completely, we were both feeling far less congested and were sleeping better.

The device is quite small, and works better if it is roughly level with the height of the bed. However, the small table that we had put it on was not really small enough, and we've spent the last two days trying to find one that is the right size. Eventually we found what we were looking for in a large, discount store, and yesterday afternoon I set about putting it together.

Now there are some expressions that will fill many people with dread. They are 'flat-pack' and 'self-assembly' ... and this table was a flat-pack, self-assembly one. However, how difficult can it be to put together a small table?

The answer is ... it can be!

Having unpacked all the parts, I realised that there were far more components than I had expected, and that the so-called assembly instructions was a series of lettered drawings that look like they had been done by a child who had no idea of scale or three-dimensional drawing. Undaunted, I started putting the first bits together ... and then my electric screwdriver, which had indicated that it was fully charged, decided that it wasn't. I tried to carry on using a manual screwdriver, but the combination of different screw sizes and heads defeated me (who but an idiot would use a combination of cross head and flat head screws in the same piece of furniture?), and I had to wait until the electric screwdriver's battery was recharged.

Three hours later(!) the table was assembled, even though there had been one less screw in the pack than was needed (a search of my spare fixtures and fittings box provided a replacement) and one of the dowels was the wrong size and need to be thinned down to fit. (It is worth noting that the battery recharge only took forty-five minutes of that time, and the rest was spent trying to assemble the table.) There was a degree of bad temper exhibited on my part, and a few swear words may have passed my lips on occasion, such as when the legs would not line up with the locating holes in the way shown on the 'instructions', and I had to take the leg assembly apart to reassemble it so that it would.

The table now resides in our bedroom with the air purifier/ionised on it ... and last night Sue and I had the best night's sleep since we got back. The struggle had been worth it ... but in future I'll be trying to avoid anything with 'flat-pack' and 'self-assembly' on the box!

25 comments:

  1. The test of any marriage is the assembly of flat pack furniture

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    Replies
    1. The Good Soldier Svjek,

      Very true! My wife keeps well out of my way unless I ask her for help.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  2. 'Cheap' flat pack furniture often has shoddy instructions, which makes an easy job so much harder than it needs to be. This comes from someone who works in the design industry and makes stuff for a living. IKEA is dead simple in comparison.

    It is worth getting some Sansevera (Mother in Law's Tongue) as well, as they are great for cleaning up air. Any household plants in general will help, but Sansevera is apparently the best.

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    Replies
    1. Steve J.,

      The design of the table wasn't bad, but the instructions were inadequate, to say the least! The quality control at the packing stage should have spotted the missing screw and incorrect dowel, but didn't.

      I certainly didn't expect IKEA quality when we bought the table, and I've built enough things in my life to be able to do basic assembly without referring to the instruction too closely, but on this occasion the four legs were not all exactly the same (there were two pairs), but the instructions neither made this obvious nor explained how the legs were paired. This is why they did not line up and had to be disassembled and then reassembled.

      Our house is full of plants - but we have no Sansevera, so thanks for the suggestion. At nighttime the pollution level rises as the air cools, and because of our local microclimate (we live on a hill facing central London), the pollution seems to get trapped.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  3. When buying ch.err....inexpensive... furniture one should always factor in your time and calculate a fair wage for yourself and add that to the cost.

    Mind you, I feel the same way about assigning plastic model kits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ross Mac,

      Very true ... but every time that I buy cheap self-assembly, flat-pack furniture, I always forget how troublesome building this sort of furniture can be.

      I like my models to have as few parts as possible, hence my love of ROCO Minitanks.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  4. Hi Bob,
    Glad you overcame the challenge of the Flat Pack Table. We did have a local company here named 'Space Maid'- they produced excellent Flat Pack furniture items- so easy to assemble from superbly illustrated instructions. I put together a Micro Wave Cabinet and a VCR Cabinet (with Glass Doors)...just great! Very concerned to hear your having difficulty in the breathing department at night- I have no advice to give- though at present I'm still fighting the remnant flu with congestion being a problem at night- through the day ok- hopefully given time it will pass. All The Very Best. KEV.

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    Replies
    1. Kev Robertson (Kev),

      It was a bit of a trial to assemble the new table, but it looks all right now it is finished and in place.

      Our local IKEA can put you in touch with someone who will come to your house to assemble your newly bought flat-pack furniture for a reasonable charge. If only the place we bought our new table from had offered a similar service ...

      I know several people who now have to wear breathing masks attached to air cylinders or filtered air pumps to aid their nighttime breathing. I'm hoping to avoid that eventuality, but unless the pollution is reduced, things are not going to get any easier.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  5. I always go by the thought that my wife knows best! Plus, of course, these things are designed so that a 5 year old could assemble them. I am not a 5 year old...

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    Replies
    1. Rob Young,

      Wives always know best ... and only a fool (or someone who is newly married) won't realise that!

      A child of five might not have been able to put the table together, but they could - and probably did - draw the assembly instruction.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  6. Sometimes I think the modern world is getting much too complicated. It's only a small table so doesn't really need more than four legs and a top: how does the result get so convoluted?

    Some time ago I gave up on flat pack furniture; apart from everything else the design was often compromised by the desire to minimise the size of the package and you got two bits of hardboard where one sheet of ply was called for. I got tired of replacing and redesigning parts and decided that I might as well build the thing from scratch in the first place.

    This is pretty much what I've done for the last ten years, though it does tend to be a bit slower than ordering from Amazon or taking a trip to the shops. However, a nice pile of naval histories can make a temporary table in no time at all and it does stop - at least for a time - the complaints about the need to find shelf space for all the new books.

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    Replies
    1. Mike Hall,

      Back when I was a lad - which is a long time ago - I helped my father make a coffee table. He bought four simple screw-in legs, and all we had to do was to fix the leg fixing plates to the underside of the tabletop, and screw a leg into each fixing plate; quick, simple, and pretty idiot proof,

      I wish that I had the skills and the tools to make my own stuff ... but I have neither, so I have to rely on retailers to supply me with my requirements.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
    2. I remember those leg sets. In fact I think I've got 2 or 3 sets in storage which I kept when the structures they were a part of were discarded.

      Given the constructions you produce for your wargames I suspect you underestimate your skill level and could replicate your father's work without problems. You do already have the most important tool needed for the job in your battery drill/driver.

      Delete
    3. Mike Hall,

      I suspect that there were several sets of the legs stored in my late father's garage, and were 'lost' when the house was cleared.

      My trusty electric drill/driver has made DIY so much easier ... although my modelling skills are much better than my DIY ones!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  7. I hope this comedy sketch was videoed and is available through the iPlayer App .. I have been watching a BBC2 or BBC4 comedy? You got there in the end Bob!

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    Replies
    1. Geordie an Exiled FoG,

      Thanks to the use of adult language, it's only going to be available on a subscriber channel after the 9.00pm watershed.

      As to the table ... well it hasn't fallen apart yet!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  8. I hope this comedy sketch was videoed and is available through the iPlayer App .. I have been watching a BBC2 or BBC4 comedy? You got there in the end Bob!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geordie an Exiled FoG,

      Are you expecting repeats already? ;^)

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  9. You have encountered Dowman's first law of task duration. "The time taken for any task greater than the pre-task estimate of the time it will take to complete it. The lower the estimate, the greater the difference." Which is why a five-minute task will take two hours; a two-hour task will take three.

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    Replies
    1. Archduke Piccolo,

      I like your first law of task duration ... and from my own experience, I can vouch that it is undoubtedly true!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  10. The air quality in our cities is very poor. Stats such as parts per million, mean little to me, but it was brought home to me about 10-12 years ago when working on the 19th floor in one of the Canary Wharf buildings. One dry, hot day looking out over London you could see the brown haze in the air.

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    Replies
    1. Nundanket,

      When there is fog in London, we can see the buildings at Canary Wharf sticking out of the top of the fog ... and it looks as if they are floating in a sea of brown-topped cloud.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
    2. I remember the "good" old days when I was a kid. We had real air pollution and real fogs. None of this seeing buildings floating above the fog, visibility was more like 5 yards and you could get lost if you took a short cut across the rec. Still, as my dad said, he never had moss growing in his lawn before the clean air acts.

      Delete
    3. Mike Hall,

      I can also remember the good old peasoupers that seemed to be a given on many Autumn and Winter days! Steam locomotives, coal and coke fires, gasworks, and coal-fired factories and power stations all contributed to the pollution ... but I don't remember more than a couple of children in my school having asthma.

      Now we have clean air, the buildings in central London are no longer black ... and worse levels of pollution (mainly due to do-called particulants) and every other child seems to have an inhaler.

      Perhaps you dad wasn't that far away from the truth!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  11. StuRat,

    We looked as several kitchen stools, but they were only sold in sets of two or four, and we only needed one.

    All the best,

    Bob

    ReplyDelete

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