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Saturday 3 August 2019

Cruise complaints and comments

Over the years, Sue and I have heard some 'interesting' complaints and comment from other passengers, and I thought that I'd share some of them with my regular blog readers.

P&O's MV Azura. She can carry a maximum of 3,597 passengers ... and with that number of people aboard, someone is bound to have something to complain about!

'You'd have thought that P&O would only take us to places where everyone spoke English.'
(Heard on a cruise to the Baltic.)

'My day has been ruined. I was woken up by a helicopter flying overhead during my afternoon nap.'
(Heard after the ship had been diverted towards the French coast so that a seriously injured passenger could be evacuated by helicopter.)

'How rude! I was waiting for that lift!'
(Heard after the ship's medical crash team rushed a seriously ill passenger wearing an oxygen mask and in a wheelchair/stretcher into a lift that had just arrived so that they could take him down to the medical centre. The woman who was waiting wanted to go up, and when the lift was taken by the medical team, she stomped off to the Reception Desk to complain.)

'Do the crew live aboard?'
(Heard during a Q&A session with the ship's captain.)

'I understand that a passenger died, and the body was taken off earlier today. Could you tell me what grade of cabin they were in as I'd like an upgrade if it's better than mine.'
(Overheard at the ship's Reception Desk.)

'Is this milk fresh today?'
(Heard in the dining room at breakfast time in the middle of the Atlantic.)

'I've complained to the Reception Desk about the noise during last night's storm. The sound of the wind and the constant movement kept me awake all night!'
(Overheard on deck on the day after the ship passed through a Force 12 hurricane during the night.)

'Where are you from?'
'Mumbai, madam.'
'Whereabouts in the Philippines is that?'
'It's in India, madam.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, madam. Quite sure.'
'Well, if you say so.'
(Overheard conversation between a passenger and a restaurant waiter. After the waiter had left, the woman turned to the man sitting next to her and made a sote voce comment about how ill-educated the waiters were. The Indian waiters all have to have been educated to the equivalent of A-level standard in a range of subjects, including English, and served a minimum of two years in a four or five-star hotel. There are no qualifications required to be a passenger ... just enough money to buy a ticket!)

'In an emergency, which lifeboat will I be in?'
'You'll be taken to it from your assembly point, if you have to be evacuated.'
'That's not good enough, young man! I need to know so that I can make sure that my husband and I don't have to get into a lifeboat with people from lower grade cabins.'
(Overheard conversation between a middle-aged woman and a young deck officer. Someone had obviously been watching A NIGHT TO REMEMBER or TITANIC before going on the cruise!)

On the first morning of a cruise, the doors from the self-service restaurant opened, and a middle-aged man dressed in a singlet, shorts, and flip flops emerged from inside. The weather was very windy, everyone on deck was wearing coats, and grey clouds scudded across the sky.
'Where's the f'*cking sun?'
'You won't see that much until we reach the Mediterranean.'
'Where the f*ck are we?'
'Rounding Ushant at the western end of the English Channel.'
'You mean we aren't there yet? My travel agent told me I was on a Mediterranean cruise, and I expected to be there by now! I'm off to f*cking complain about this!'

A conversation overheard in the gangway outside a cabin whose toilet had flooded. The protagonists were one of the cabin's passengers and one of the ship's engineering officers.
'The toilet was blocked because someone had tried to flush wet wipes down the toilet, and this had blocked the pipework. It says quite clearly not to flush foreign objects down the toilet.'
'They weren't foreign objects! I bought them in the local supermarket before I left home!'

I can vouch for the fact that all the above are true; Sue and I have actually seen and heard people say and do these things.

28 comments:

  1. Extraordinary - but why am I not surprised?

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    Replies
    1. Maudlin Jack Tar,

      Unfortunately ignorance and stupidity can be found everywhere.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  2. This sort of thing tends to come from letting humans on board.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ross Mac,

      Very true! I'm sure the ships would run far smoother without passengers cluttering them up.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  3. Well, I suppose it is at least nice to know that we Americans have no monopoly on stupidity or being self-centered to the point of absurdity! :-)
    Of course, one meets plenty of wonderful people as well; perhaps that makes the nincompoops stand out even more...

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    Replies
    1. Gonsalvo,

      The problem is that there are a lot of twits out there in the big, wide world, and more's the pity, one doesn't have to look too hard to find them.

      Luckily, for every idiot I've come across aboard a cruise ship, I've met ten times that number of people I've enjoyed spending time with.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  4. It's a sad work when cash takes precedence over class. I used to be an upscale dining waiter and the rude behavior of some diners was appalling.

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    Replies
    1. Mr. Pavone,

      I returned from a cruise on Friday, and saw and heard the way that a women on the dining table next to ours dealt with the waiters. She sent something back almost every night, and implied that it was the waiter's fault for not bringing her what she had ordered. For example, she ordered a Chicken Caesar Salad ... and sent it back because it had Parmesan cheese and anchovies in it! She also sent back asparagus spears that were served with a poached egg ... because it came with an egg!

      She never addressed the waiters by name (each of them wore a name badge), never said please or thank you during the entire cruise, and spoke to them as if they were morons. (My wife said that if the women had spoken to her like that, she'd have ended up with her dinner tipped over her head!)

      Funnily enough, one evening towards the end of the cruise, the woman said to her husband in a voice loud enough for us to hear that 'some people (my wife and I) get better service than we do!' Hardly surprising, as we got to know our waiters by talking to them (we always say 'Please' and 'Thank you'), and taking an interest in them as people.

      Treating people the way you would hope to be treated seems to be an adage that has been forgotten these days,

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  5. Seen a few myself, one of my personal favourites was when we passed an aircraft carrier in the Med and an American (he was from Phoenix) asked what kind of ship it was. OK, reasonable for someone from Phoenix - except that when he served in the US Navy (I assume?) he said he spent 2 years at San Diego, largest naval base in the world...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rob Young,

      That is a level of ignorance that sounds unbelievable ... but actually isn't. In my time I've met several ex-Royal Navy 'sailors' whose entire service was spent on dry land in supply depots or servicing Fleet Air Arm aircraft. They never went to sea, and I doubt if the one who worked in supplies could have been able to tell the difference between a destroyer and a tug

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  6. Those quotes made me laugh ... but indeed, it seems some people stop having the ability to think once they're in "tourist mode".

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    Replies
    1. Phil Dutré,

      When some people are in 'holiday mode', they do seem to lose the ability to think sensibly.

      I live near Greenwich, which is one of the top tourist spots in the UK, and seeing how some tourists behave has made me very conscious of how I should behave when I am a tourist.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  7. Every customer based trade has similar stories. There is no end to the idiotic thinking of some people. I spent over 40 years in the retail trade and met my share.

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    Replies
    1. Joppy,

      I started my working life working for Sainsburys back in the mid-1960s, and I certainly met a few dumb customers! Luckily I worked with people who used shop back-slang, and they would often use it in front of awkward or difficult customers to describe them (i.e. 'dlo woc', for example.)

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  8. Man alive! Most of that is shocking if not surprising, but 'do the crew live aboard?' made me genuinely laugh out loud.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nundanket,

      A lot of these comments reflect the common problem of lack of thinking before speaking, what used to be referred to as 'engage brain before mouth'.

      In reply to the comment about the crew living aboard ship, the captain replied, 'No; we fly them to and from the shore by helicopter every morning and evening.'

      The questioner seemed more than satisfied by the answer!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  9. HI Bob,
    Unreal people for sure- I've been lucky I guess- that of the three cruisers I've been fortunate with (New Caledonia, New Zealand and Tasmania)- that I havn't met or overheard anything approaching what you have described. Also, the Staff and Crew had been excellent. As for basic manners- I cannot stand people who cannot even manage a "Thankyou". Regards. KEV.

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    Replies
    1. Kev Robertson,

      In all our sixty plus cruises we've only had to complain twice ... and one of those was about a tour which included a section that I thought raised child protection issues. (We were taken to an ice rink where there was a lesson for young girls taking place, and the guide could not understand that encouraging visitors to take photographs of children without the permission of their parents was wrong.)

      The general standard of politeness has certainly gone down over the years, with 'please' and 'thank you' rarely used by some people. Even on the latest cruise, on several occasions I held a door open for someone, and didn't even get a grunt of acknowledgement for what I thought of as a basic expression of politeness.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  10. Perhaps walking the plank is the answer?

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    Replies
    1. Stryker,

      In some cases, it would be the only answer!

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  11. Excellent post. Funny and depressing in equal measure.

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    Replies
    1. BigLee,

      Cheers!

      People can be very stupid at times, can't they?

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  12. Love these Bob! I'd like to think they were amusingly made up but sadly I can believe everyone is true!!

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    Replies
    1. Alastair,

      I can honestly say that Sue and I have heard people say all of the comments I have included in my blog entry.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  13. Although your comments are funny, they do make me wonder (sadly yet again) about the sheer level of ignorance, rudeness and general stupidity amongst a large percentage of the UK population.

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    Replies
    1. Red_Cardinal,

      I suspect that part of the problem is the development of the idea that a particular individual's rights or point-of-view outweigh anyone else's. For example, I can be rude to someone, and it's their problem if they are offended ... but if they say something that offends me, they should be punished or made to apologise.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  14. Read this and your holiday report but for some reason the ipad at home would not allow me to comment. It never ceases to amaze me just how obnoxious, stupid and offensive some people are and certainly money and alledged 'class' makes no difference. Years ago I had a client who was a peer of the realm. I can't tell you how horrible he was.I proposed that we build a guilotine in the office car park at the back (apparently you can get plans on the web for this) and then dress all the secretaries in white bonnets and give then white clay pipes so that they could hurl rotton cabbages at him and the we could sort him out.The world would have been a better place. I also wanted to have a huge banner made for the front saying 'Death to the Aristos'. Regretfully my colleagues here thought this was going a tad too far.

    Guy

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    Replies
    1. Guy,

      Thanks for your comment. iPads are wonderful things, but sometimes they seem to have self imposed limits on what they will or will not do.

      I know that the current generation is sometimes thought to be self-obsessed and only concerned for themselves, but it is a trait that seems to transcend age and class, and the old and/or wealthy can be equally obnoxious to their fellows.

      It sounds as if execution might have been a blessing for the particular aristo you mention in your comment. It must have been very stressful being so objectionable all the time, and relieving him of his head would have taken his mind off it ... quite literally!

      In their defence, I have met and worked with some titled people who were really pleasant and a joy to deal with.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete

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