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Thursday, 4 April 2024

My battle with the Black Dog ... and going to Salute

Back in January when I wrote in detail about my health, I finished by writing the following:

'The last three years have drained me emotionally and physically, and I seem to have very little physical stamina these days. I am – however – slowly beginning to recover, and I try to walk at least a mile each day. My ability to concentrate has begun to improve, and over recent weeks I have begun to feel far more positive.'

Unfortunately, my recovery has not progressed as well or as fast as I hoped it would, and in some ways my health has got worse. Not long after writing that January blog post I had a rather heavy fall whilst bending over to pick something up. As a result, an old injury to my left knee flared up and seems to have triggered a problem that may be linked to an after effect of my radiotherapy, lymphoedema.

Over the past few months, my left leg has become weaker and weaker and has now triggered problems with my right leg. I have spoken to my oncologist, and they have referred me to a vascular surgeon … but the earliest appointment available is at the end of November. My GP and the practice physiotherapist are also now involved, and I have an MRI scan, CT scan, and whole-body bone scan booked to take place towards the end of next month. Hopefully this will identify what is wrong and I’ll be placed on an appropriate course of treatment.

My mobility has been severely restricted by my knee and leg problems, and things have become so bad that climbing the stairs in our house unaided is almost impossible. I am frequently having to use a walking stick, and even the act of walking a hundred metres leaves me tired and with pain in my ankle and knee joints as well as my leg muscles. My feet also swell so much that I either cannot get my shoes on or if I do, the swelling starts being uncomfortable after a short time and eventually becomes very painful. In addition, I also have to be careful about what chairs I sit on as many are too low for me to get out of unaided and getting in and out of a car is sometimes very difficult.

As you can imagine, this situation tends to sap one’s ability to be positive and on several occasions I have been very conscious that my black dog is sniffing around. Luckily, Sue has been a tower of strength and has listened to my complaining, given me words of encouragement, and helped me deal with difficult situations as they arise. Without her, I would be in a slough of despond ... and firmly in the grips of the black dog's jaws.

I had hoped that I would be well enough to go to SALUTE this year, but unless I regain some of the strength in my lower limbs, I suspect that might be just too much. There is a lot of standing about, very few places to sit, and the floor surface at ExCel is somewhat unyielding and tiring to walk or stand on even if you are physically fit. That said, there are still a few weeks before it takes place and I remain hopeful that I will improve enough to go.

Salute 51 will be taking place at ExCel London on 13th of April 2024.

I'm sorry to bore my regular blog readers with my problems, but I hope that the above explains why I am not blogging as frequently as normal. Hopefully, 'Normal Service Will Be Resumed As Soon As Possible' ...

... as they used to say in the days of black and white TV!

50 comments:

  1. Good luck with the recovery, Bob. Mobility issues can be draining, but you have far more drive than many (!!), so wishing you well overcoming them and getting ‘back on your feet’ (if that’s an appropriate choice of words….).

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    1. Martin S.,

      Cheers! My mobility problem seems to be down to side effects from the cocktail of drugs that I am on coupled with the radiotherapy I had before Christmas, the surgery I had in 2020, my recent fall, and a long-term skeletal condition (scoliosis). Luckily Sue is a tower of strength and makes sure that I don’t start to feel too sorry for myself.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  2. Sorry to hear your news Bob. It might not be a road down which you want to go, but have you considered the possibility of using a wheelchair at the event? I haven’t been to Salute for over 40 years, when it was at Kensington town hall and I don’t know what the situation is at ExCel (certainly when I last attended at Kensington the trade stands were packed 3-5 deep with customers).
    All the best. Cheers,
    Geoff

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    1. Elliesdad (Geoff),

      Because of my scoliosis my parents were told that I’d probably be confined to a wheelchair by the age of 16. I’m 58 years past that now, and I hope to avoid needing one for as long as possible. If I do have to use one, it will be a last resort for me.

      I have never liked ExCel as a venue for SALUTE even though it is much easier (and closer) than Kensington Town Hall and Olympia. It is a great barn of a place with concrete floors covered with rubber flooring. It’s very tiring to walk or stand on. Then there is the cost of food and drink … which is - in my opinion - expensive.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  3. Sorry to read about your continuing health problems, and skirmishes with the Black Dog. Wishing you all the best.

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    1. Maudlin Jack Tar,

      Cheers! I’m either too stupid or too stubborn to be beaten by my health problems … and I’m determined not to give in to my Black Dog.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  4. Bob, physical health problems are often more closely linked to mental health than we think or give credit for.
    Generally chronic (long lasting or continuous) problems or pain will often result in depression.
    It's not surprising that you are feeling this way with your health issues and potential house move.
    I'd say take some time out to do something you enjoy, even if planning a new campaign or project on paper and try not to succumb.
    Neil

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    1. Neil Patterson (Neil),

      Thanks for the excellent advice. The link between physical and mental health is a lot stronger than many people realise, including some within the medical profession.

      I hope to do some work on my terrain project over the weekend, and that should help to take my mind off my problems.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  5. Hey Bob, it’s okay. Just take care and do what benefits you. Sometimes I know it can be tricky/frustrating, a lot of things going wrong can overwhelm. I’m glad to hear you can vent to someone. The black dog can be a bloody pain, but we shall be victorious!

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    1. Demitri Ioannou,

      Cheers! The support of my regular blog readers helps to keep me going, and I thank you all.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  6. So sorry to hear that you are having health problems , walking is such a basic thing which we take for granted - until we struggle to do it. Tony

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    1. The Good Soldier Svjek (Tony),

      I used to do a lot of walking: now I can just about hobble around our house without my walking stick. I expected things would get more difficult as I got older, but my deterioration has been faster and more impactful than I expected. Still, I intend to struggle on as best I can for as long as I can.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  7. Dear Bob, sorry about all the issues you are facing. Life is a constant and difficult struggle we all face. What is in your favour however is that you seem to have an inquisitive mind that keeps you stimulated with your various hobbies. Keep strong Bob and know that we your readers and fellow hobby enthusiasts understand you and are here to support you on this journey. We share and learn from each other and that is a beautiful thing. Quinn

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    1. Glory to Ruritania (Quinn),

      Thanks for your kind words and support. Whatever happens, I’ll continue to fight to get fitter if I can or hold back the speed of deterioration with all the resources available to me. I intend to do what Churchill always encouraged people to do, which was to keep b*gg*ering on!

      All the best,

      Bob

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  8. BOB,
    Hopefully you'll be on the mend to attend Salute. I also have problems with my legs with muscle loss- I had a fall the other evening and I found it very difficult to stand up again- just no strength left in my legs....your problems seem similar Bob. Hope you don't experience the Black Dog because of your mobility problems. Best wishes to you and good health. KEV.

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    1. Kev Robertson (Kev),

      Unless I see some profound improvement, I won’t be capable of standing for two or three hours without taking regular long rests.

      I was sorry to read that you’d also had a fall and have injured yourself so that you find standing difficult. It’s certainly not anything to laugh about! Hopefully you’ll get better soon and avoid having a visit from your Black Dog. I know him too well … but each time he visits, I seem to be able to see him off quicker than I did previously.

      Keep fit and well,

      Bob

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  9. Hi Bob, sorry to hear of your difficulties. I really sympathise as I've mobility problems at present while waiting for surgery. Chronic pain and frustration really don't help one's mental health and staying positive is a struggle. Would be worth asking your GP about support if you've not done so. Salute - I briefly considered using the wheelchair / mobility scooter option at Excel but I doubt I could sit in one for that long - might be something to think about though. All the very best. Brian

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    1. Brian Cameron (Brian),

      I know that due to your own health problems that you fully understand how I am feeling. Like you, I want to get treated as soon as possible but I’m having to wait until November before my lymphoedema will looked at. In the meantime, my GP has arranged for a number of tests, and these will be taking place early next month.

      I looked at the possibility of wheelchair and mobility scooter hire at ExCel but for some reason the link to hiring them on the day of SALUTE didn’t seem to work.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  10. You have our sympathy. Hopefully things will improve in the near future.

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    1. Trebian,

      Cheers! My main concern at present is to be well enough to be able to attend COW2024.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  11. Hi Bob, sorry to hear about your problems with getting about. I can only echo the positive things that others have already said, and remind you that for as long as you can sit at a screen you'll be able to find some friendly folk for a chat. If your main hobby stuff is too far away, on another level or needs bending down to get access, maybe it's time to write your next best-seller or just start a grid-based game using a spreadsheet for the grid.
    All the best & stay positive,
    Dave

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    1. Pompey Dave (Dave),

      Cheers! Thanks very much for both your kind words and your suggestions. Sometimes it is very difficult to be positive but I do my best, and the support of my wife, my family, and my friends really does help.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  12. Bob, dealing with the travails of life is so much easier with the support such as your wife provides. As a divorced man, I am somewhat envious of you in this regard.

    I came down with a viral infection last week, which had internal bleeding as a symptom. Subsequent to that, I find myself needing the support that I do not have.

    While it may not help with a bout of the black dog, knowing that you have that blessing surely eases your mind somewhat.

    I wish you a speedy recovery from whatever ails you, my distant friend.

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    1. Justin Penwith,

      Frankly, I don’t know how I would cope on a daily basis without Sue’s support, although my family and friends help considerably.

      Sorry to read about your viral infection and its impact on you. I hope that you are well on the way to recovering now.

      Over the years I’ve had so many visits from my Black Dog that I can recognise the danger signs that it is sniffing around and take appropriate steps to counter it. However, the support I get helps me to do so much easier than if I was trying to deal with it solo.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  13. Sorry to hear about your continued problems Bob, I hope you can kick the black dog where it hurts and feel well enough for a wander around Salute. Hopefully we'll see you there!

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    1. Ray Rousell,

      I’ve got lots of strategies for keeping the Black Dog at bay (and it helps that Sue is so supportive), but unless my mobility improves, I have doubts that I’ll be fit enough to attend SALUTE.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  14. I have long thought that the separation of mental health and physical health was probably not the best approach and that they should both be considered together as a matter of health and well-being.

    Best wishes to you, Bob!

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    1. Fitz-Badger,

      Cheers! Many medical practitioners do espouse an holistic approach to dealing with illness, but unfortunately some are less willing or able to. My own GP surgery is very busy and under considerable strain to deliver medical care to a very diverse community, but does try to have an holistic approach.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  15. Bob -
    Man, what a lousy run of luck you've been having! If it's not one thing, it's another, and usually both and something else besides. No wonder the black dog has been crossing your path. I hope we do see you coming through all this and recovering some of your usual equipoise and aplomb.
    Cheers, and 'Get Well Soon',
    Ion

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    1. Archduke Piccolo (Ion),

      Many thanks for you support and kind words. I’d love to think that things are going to get better soon … but until they do, I’ll keep b*gg*ring on as best I can.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  16. A tough couple of years Bob, reaching a point like Wellington at Waterloo when Ney launches his cavalry assault. Hopefully you'll beat off these attacks and have many good years ahead.

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    1. Ross Mac,

      What a wonderful and apt analogy! I’m certainly going to form squares and prepare to receive charging cavalry/Black Dogs!

      Alternative best,

      Bob

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  17. Being a man of a "certain age" now, I am a few years behind you, but starting to feel the leading edge of various issues that will grow with time. As such, I've always found the open and frank sharing of your "home and health" challenges in this public venue courageous as opposed to boring (or worse). And your perseverance admirable, if not inspiring. For what it's worth.

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    1. Ed M,

      Thank you very much for your kind words.

      Back in the early 1980s I suffered a breakdown and was told that one of the best ways for me to deal with the way I was feeling was to write about it. That’s what I’ve been doing here in order to help myself and also to help others who don’t feel able or willing to do the same. If it helps someone else, all the better.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  18. Very sorry to hear about your continued health troubles. Perhaps compression socks might help with the swelling problems. They have worked wonders for me. With my heart failure standing walking around for any significant amount of time would be very uncomfortable, at least. I will soon be 62, my job requires that I walk and stand all day ( the exorcise is good for me), on average I walk at leadt 3 miles each day. This would not be possible without them. With them it's not a problem. In addition they provide some support. I don't know if you have tried them, but if not they might help, at least a little.
    As for the black dog, I'm blessed in that he's never come to visit me, so I can't say how I would come to grips with him. I can offer the following: for me at least, one of the good things in life is to have something to look forward to each day. Doesn't have to be anything big, in fact the small things can be rewarding in their own right. Little things that bring you joy can add up and perhaps help to lift the burden. Best wishes!

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    1. Mark Cordone,

      I have been wearing DVT socks for the last couple of weeks and they have helped. However, the weakness in my leg muscles has become worse since I started taking statins, and I have to use a walking stick to go up and down stairs and when I am outside.

      I don’t like giving in to illness (I’m not sure if I’m stupid or just bl**dy-minded) and I’m determined to carry on as best I can for as long as I can. The downside is that sometimes the opposite side of the coin - feelings of depression - can sneak up on one. When this happens, I like to submerge myself in the world of my imagi-nations and wargaming as that takes me out of myself.

      All the best,

      Bob

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    2. I'm glad they helped, I wish I had more to offer. If there is anything else I can do please let me know, best of luck!

      Delete
    3. Mark Cordone,

      Thanks for your support. Knowing that I have it helps me more than I can express in words.

      All the best,

      Bob

      Delete
  19. All the best Bob. I hope things improve for you soon. In the meantime keeping positive and finding things to do will help. Hope the mobility improves. Don't want to see you at COW going round like Davros from Dr Who! :-)

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    1. Fred,

      Cheers! Things have been markedly worse since I started taking statins and I am going to discuss this with my GP as I suspect that the cocktail of drugs I’m on my be having side effects that are impacting on my mobility.

      Attending COW in a Davros-like wheelchair would probable spark off some cardboard simulator ideas from some of the long-term WD members … so I’ll avoid it if at all possible!

      All the best,

      Bob

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  20. I'm sorry to read of your ongoing mobility issues Bob, especially after all that you have been through. I know how tough depression can be and good to read that you have coping strategies and support. As for Excel I'm sure they must have good disability access at the venue if you DO consider using a wheelchair just for the event. My eldest daughter uses a wheelchair for traveling and gets excellent support on trains etc from the staff.

    All the best to you,
    Lee.

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    1. ‘Lee,

      I suspect that without the support I’ve had from Sue, my family, and my friends plus coping strategies that I’ve learned the hard way, I’d be in a slough of despond.

      There are wheelchairs and mobility scooters available for hire at ExCel, but I want to try avoid using them if it is at all possible.

      I hope that you are keeping well.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  21. Salute is a hard slog Bob, as well you know. Personally I wouldnt go, simply because its not worth the trouble. I made a similar mistake several years ago when I was struggling with Angina and waiting for treatment. I spent most of the day sat down in a cafe outside feeling dejected and frustrated. Stick to smaller shows or get someone to take you to Newark where the games are far better.

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    1. Independentwargamesgroup,

      I agree about SALUTE being a bit of a slog. Last time I went I spent a lot of time standing around and walking … and I couldn’t do that now.

      I think that unless I’m feeling a lot better by the end of next week, I won’t be going.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  22. Bob, so sorry to hear you have not been doing too well, our troubles come not as single spies but in battalions, it seems.
    I think you are right that writing about it does some good, and I hope you can find projects to be getting on with that keep your mind active while physical recovery progresses. I can entirely understand about Salute, that is a hard day even when fully fit! So we will miss you, but maybe see you at Broadside (much more manageable!) in a couple of months time...?

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    1. David in Suffolk,

      I have a somewhat forlorn hope that my luck might change soon … but don’t expect it to!

      I am currently working on my ShamBattle/Portable Wargame hybrid rules and terrain board. Work is progressing slowly, mainly because we are still trying to declutter our house.

      I hope that I’ll be fit enough to go to BROADSIDE later this year. It’s a much more manageable show to get around than SALUTE if you’re experiencing mobility problems.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  23. Hey Bob, it's been a while since I responded to any posts. I hope you have some helpful neighbors who can lend a hand with your physical work.
    There was a minor earthquake in New Jersey yesterday and we are lucky enough to have friends and a neighbor who helped us check on our house we rent out. A good neighbor is always nice to have in times of trouble.
    Take care.

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    1. Mr. Pavone,

      We are extremely lucky to have excellent neighbours and overtime we have all been able to help each other when the need has arisen.

      I read about the earthquake but had not realised that it had affected New Jersey … which is a bit silly on my part as I should have realised that the state is literally just across the river from New York.

      All the best,

      Bob

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  24. Bob very sorry to read about your run of bad luck and the impact this has had on your mental state and the difficulties you have experienced contacting Excel. Hopefully I have some good news. As a member of the South London Warlords , the club that runs Salute, I have been able to reserve a mobility scooter from a Excel to enable you to attend Salute in some comfort should you still wish to attend. The scooter can be collected from the N4S4 car park or you can ask at the West Entrance officer for the scooter and Security can bring it for you.
    The scooter is under the name Robert Cordery you may need to produce a driving licence or another form of ID.
    This year at Salute we have created wider walkways and we have increased the number of chairs ( there will never be enough ) if you arrive before 10.00 please make your way to the entrance , we have created a separate entrance for people with mobility issues.
    Should anyone else require an actual wheelchair these are available on the day at Excel but are unfortunately not available to book in advance.
    Bob we all at the South London Warlords wish you well and hope you can join us at Salute 51
    Martin Gane

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    1. Martin Gane,

      Thank you so much for doing this! I am in eternal debt to you and the other members of the South London Warlords for organising a mobility scooter for me. I had not realised that this service was available at ExCel … but it is great to know that it is.

      I have now bought my ticket for SALUTE and hope to be there by opening time … assuming that I can find somewhere to park. (I was fit enough to go by train last year: I only wish that I could do the same this year!)

      Again, many thanks. If I can, I’d like to thank you personally on the day.

      All the best,

      Bob

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